The Dementia Handbook: How to Provide Dementia Care at Home

“When people begin to experience dementia—as memory falters and fails, and rational thought processes become intermittent and then elusive—any sense of security evaporates. There is nothing scarier than realizing that you can no longer trust your brain to correctly interpret the world around you or supply you with accurate information. Even when people are unaware of how impaired they are, they seem to know their futures are at risk. Living with worsening forgetfulness and confusion and knowing that you will become completely unable to care for yourself is rightfully terrifying.

“People experiencing dementia need help in recovering a sense of security before they can recapture any lasting sense of well-being. Unless their caregivers and loved ones show them that they can still be safe despite dementia, that ever-so-necessary sense of comfort in the day-to-day routines of life will be fleeting.

“[At DAWN,] we help our clients begin to feel secure even though they are confused, because we use our own rational thought skills when analysis is necessary, and we use our own memories to supply the gaps in theirs. When they ask questions, we remind ourselves that although they have lost the ability to retain information, they still need to know what’s going on as much as we do. We never jog their memories, knowing that testing memory only serves to prove and prove again that they’ve lost the ability to remember, not just the memories themselves.

“We also help them find what they’ve misplaced or complete a task without ever saying, “I’ve already told you” or “I can’t believe you don’t remember that.” When we offer help as an equal and teammate, rather than a superior or instructor, our clients’ dignity and sense of autonomy remain intact. There is no loss of control or hurt feelings. With our own rational thought skills, we foresee the next step in a task and work with them rather than direct them.

“Further, as their sense of reality becomes increasingly divergent from ours, we accept it as the inevitable result of progressive cognitive impairment and accommodate it, rather than demand that they use skills that no longer exist. While we are doing this, our clients begin to relax and feel secure in the knowledge (through experiential learning while with us) that we will take care of them despite their growing needs and escalating confusion.”

Judy Cornish